Third wheel, second wheel, road wreck [by Ivo]
It's happened to all of us. You meet someone, you hit it off, straight away. And then, you discover that this other person is already in a relationship.
It doesn't have to be a problem. After all, you've just met this person, you've managed well enough so far without knowing this person; chance encounters are all very nice, but you can do just as well without them, right?
Besides, that would be the "nice" thing to do. Anything else would be just interfering in something you have no business in, wouldn't it?
Recently, I discovered that someone I know has broken up with her boyfriend of several years. The reason? A friend she's gotten to know recently. I remember her telling about how he was in fact, just a friend, and that her boyfriend was okay with their hanging out.
So, apparently, not all of us try to be "nice", nor should we. After all, one, maybe selfish, reason I've had for "being nice" in the past, was that, if I were to meet someone, and be the reason for their break-up, it probably wouldn't benefit me. For one, the dumped party would recognize my part in what happened, with all the consequences thereof. For another, who says that this person would then choose for me? Her breaking up would all be great, of course, but if it's only because I'd created a sense of doubt, well, that wouldn't help me any further.
Someone else I know had a stable relationship with her boyfriend for years. And then she met someone else. They were just friends, at first. But feelings grew, fast, and the little seed of doubt grew quickly in the fertile soil of uncertainty. She ended up with neither of the two.
Does this then mean that it's okay to see if you can get a foothold? To continue to hang out with this person, and let things run?
Why not? After all, there's two sides to this equation. If you're hanging out with someone, there's either someone else, or you've got a second personality. And this other person is just as capable of ending the contact as you are, and would obviously have their reasons if they did.
After all, who likes to be in the situation of having to choose between two people? I wouldn't. Then again, I don't like choosing, period; I have trouble choosing which ice cream cone to get. But when choosing between two people, you're bound to hurt someone, whereas the ice cream just doesn't care.
So why do people put themselves in such situations? They don't choose to. It just happens. 'Letting it happen is a choice, too,' you might say. It is, if you know it's coming. Do you?
But that is pointing fingers. Which, after the fact, won't help anyone. And, when it comes down to it, is this situation not just the very essence of humanity? Always looking for the better deal.
* * *
Ivo is a Dutchman, hoping to one day start writing and stop producing sorry attempts at it. In the meantime, he's a university student.
It doesn't have to be a problem. After all, you've just met this person, you've managed well enough so far without knowing this person; chance encounters are all very nice, but you can do just as well without them, right?
Besides, that would be the "nice" thing to do. Anything else would be just interfering in something you have no business in, wouldn't it?
Recently, I discovered that someone I know has broken up with her boyfriend of several years. The reason? A friend she's gotten to know recently. I remember her telling about how he was in fact, just a friend, and that her boyfriend was okay with their hanging out.
So, apparently, not all of us try to be "nice", nor should we. After all, one, maybe selfish, reason I've had for "being nice" in the past, was that, if I were to meet someone, and be the reason for their break-up, it probably wouldn't benefit me. For one, the dumped party would recognize my part in what happened, with all the consequences thereof. For another, who says that this person would then choose for me? Her breaking up would all be great, of course, but if it's only because I'd created a sense of doubt, well, that wouldn't help me any further.
Someone else I know had a stable relationship with her boyfriend for years. And then she met someone else. They were just friends, at first. But feelings grew, fast, and the little seed of doubt grew quickly in the fertile soil of uncertainty. She ended up with neither of the two.
Does this then mean that it's okay to see if you can get a foothold? To continue to hang out with this person, and let things run?
Why not? After all, there's two sides to this equation. If you're hanging out with someone, there's either someone else, or you've got a second personality. And this other person is just as capable of ending the contact as you are, and would obviously have their reasons if they did.
After all, who likes to be in the situation of having to choose between two people? I wouldn't. Then again, I don't like choosing, period; I have trouble choosing which ice cream cone to get. But when choosing between two people, you're bound to hurt someone, whereas the ice cream just doesn't care.
So why do people put themselves in such situations? They don't choose to. It just happens. 'Letting it happen is a choice, too,' you might say. It is, if you know it's coming. Do you?
But that is pointing fingers. Which, after the fact, won't help anyone. And, when it comes down to it, is this situation not just the very essence of humanity? Always looking for the better deal.
Ivo is a Dutchman, hoping to one day start writing and stop producing sorry attempts at it. In the meantime, he's a university student.
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